Possible Justifications for the Murder and Mutilation of a Colleague

You remember that guy? You know. The guy from work. The one with the face. You do. The weird guy. All fidgety and quiet. He had that creepy, double-jointed walk. Dressed like a charity shop mannequin. The guy from last week.

Yes, him.

Well, don't you think he looked kinda like he might have been a space-alien? He never said hello or anything, at the office. Like he didn't want to get noticed or something. And he was always writing things down. Yeah, you all do that at work but he did it all secretive. As if he was having a proper scout about, making plans or something. That terrible skin too. Like crusted marigolds, it was. A skin condition or something, John said. It looked totally fake though, that skin. Might have been a suit. Like a man-suit, you know? So he could walk about, planning how they were going to make you all into slaves for their galactic empire or whatever. Yes, like a scout for some space-crabs or something. Put a stop to that though, didn't you? Yes you did.
But…
You did get a good look inside though, remember? Afterwards? And it was most definitely not a crab in a suit, was it? No, it was not. What then?

Might he have been a vampire? His car had those dark windows, didn't it? And the car park at work is under the building. He'd never have had to go outside, would he? House with a door to his garage and then he's in the car until he's underneath and then he's safe inside the building. Nice and convenient for a vampire, that is. He wore those shitty shades indoors that time too. Looked like an absolute dick. Never saw him eat or drink anything either. He didn't even have any cake on Julie's birthday. Oh! And remember when he made that face after you spoke to him with garlic breath? He looked properly freaked out then. Classic vampire.
But…
If he was a vampire, and they're all super powerful and undead and stuff, and with what you did, well, vampires probably wouldn't let you do that to them, would they? They'd have something to say about that. And very loudly too, I should think. So, probably not a vampire then, no.

He must have been possessed. Demon possession, you know? A crazy demon took over his body and it was going to make him kill loads of people and mess about with their corpses or whatever. The weird behaviour bit makes sense with that. And he wore that t-shirt with the inverted cross that time. A band he liked, my arse. Walked like a fucked up marionette too. Mobility issues or whatever. Perfect cover for a demon getting used to walking in a meat suit. Yeah, some blood crazed demon controlling him, that's it. It would have gone on a mad cannibal death spree if you hadn't stepped up. There'd have been folk torn apart all over the place. Much worse than what happened last week. That was just one, after all, instead of a bunch of folk, all shredded and emptied and chewed up, all butchered by some hell-thing. Well not on your watch. No way.
But…
A demon could probably still do some damage inside a corpse, right? It could likely make a dead man move around if it wanted, like if it was angry or something. And, well you'd be angry with what happened, wouldn't you? And he never did put up much of a fight, did he? No, no, no. Something else then.

What if he was a member of some cult? Like a cultist? The cross thing and the never socialising fits in. He was in some cult and they were planning to let a giant spider/lobster god or whatever into town. Never worked Saturdays. Even when we switched to that new software and we all had to come in and convert the old specs. A right bloody pain. Not him though. Saturdays must have been spider/lobster church day or something for him. They all go and do some ritual or whatever, making sure that the pincers and claws leave the members be when they finally get round to waking up the horrors.
But…
You'd think that he'd have tried a curse or something. At the end, you know. Or at least threatened you. My death is meaningless and arachnoclaws will rise and eat your head or whatever. But he just kept sobbing and begging and gurgling, didn't he?
Not like a cultist at all, no sir. What then?

A child molester! Yes. It's perfect. That's the worst thing, anyway. Worse than all that other stuff. What a horrible bastard. All that anti-social weirdo business still fits. A freaky loner, riddled with guilt and horrible urges. A sick predator that hunts little kiddies.
But..
He didn't have any pictures on his desk, did he? Of kids or family or anything. Well, think about it. If you were gonna cut up kids, mess about with them or whatever, if you had something inside you that made you want to do all that grim shit, well, you'd have a couple of pictures out, wouldn't you? Oh these? What? This picture? Oh, that's my niece and nephew. So cute. I love them little terrors. Because folk wouldn't think it of a doting uncle, would they? Perfect cover you see? And when the little body parts start piling up in the mortuaries, you could just act super concerned for all those kiddies, the ones that you've been secretly fucking about with and tearing apart, and no one would suspect a thing. 

Ah, but that's you with the fake kids, remember? If you were doing it. You've got social grace or whatever. Him? He was all creepy and solitary and stuff. It would have looked really peculiar, a creepy quiet guy having pictures of kids out on his desk and never mentioning them. He wouldn't have been able to pull it off, all that caring uncle business. A proper red flag, that would've been. So, there it is. No pictures works for him. It all fits. Definitely a paedo. It makes sense, after all. That's probably why you started where you did. Could have looked a bit odd otherwise, hacking away right there, straight off the bat. Could've been a sign of some subconscious urge or something. Latent homo-whatever. It's ok if he was a kiddie fiddler though. He was a paedo and you had to save all the children. That grizzly action downstairs at the get-go was just in case you didn't get to finish things properly. He wouldn't have been able to do any sick shit after that, would he? No way. Good thinking you! Still, there's no worry about him doing much of anything now, is there? You managed to see the whole task through, didn't you? No half measures for you, no sir. Got all the important, glorious work done. Got all the horrors scooped out. Got him all open and emptied and organised, good and proper. Very thorough, you were. Yes sir.

Well now. That nicely settles things, doesn't it? There's no need to go worrying yourself about that silly business anymore, is there? You'll most likely be able to drop off now and get some sleep. Big day tomorrow, after all.

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